When it’s time
For the days you never
wanted to plan for.
Nothing here will make it easier. But if you are reading this at 3am with a pet on your lap, we would rather you had something to read than nothing at all.
You are not deciding whether you love them
This is the thing almost everyone says afterwards: I felt like I was betraying her. You are not. Choosing to end suffering is not the opposite of love — it is the last medical decision you will ever make for them, and you are making it with more care than anyone else would.
Vets call it the hardest part of the job for a reason. Ask yours directly: “If this were your dog, what would you do?” Most will answer honestly. A good vet will also tell you when there is still time, and when there is not.
The questions worth asking your vet
- Are they in pain right now, and can it be managed?
- Is this treatable, or are we managing symptoms?
- What will the next two weeks look like, realistically?
- What are the signs that would tell me it is time?
- Can it happen at home, and who do I call at night?
Write the answers down. Grief makes it hard to hold information, and you will want to read them again later.
The first few hours
If it happens at home, take your time. There is no rush to move them. Sit with them. Let other pets in the room sniff and understand — animals grieve too, and they often settle faster when they are allowed to say goodbye.
Decide beforehand what you want to keep: a lock of fur, a paw print in clay or ink, their collar. Ask the clinic before you arrive, because these are much harder to get afterwards.
Often helps
- Telling one person, out loud
- Keeping a routine for the other pets
- Saying their name whenever you want to
- Doing nothing at all for a few days
Rarely helps
- “It was just a dog” — from anyone
- Deciding about a new pet too soon
- Clearing their things in a hurry
- Being told how long to grieve
When you are ready, and not before
Some people want something to hold within a week. Others wait a year. Both are fine. A keepsake is not a replacement — it is just somewhere for the love to go when it has nowhere else to be.
If you would like their name somewhere permanent, the Rainbow Wall is open to anyone, whether you have ever bought anything from us or not. No account, no purchase. Just their name.
If you need to talk to someone
Pet loss support is free in most countries, and staffed by people who have been there themselves. In the UK, the Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Service runs a helpline on 0800 096 6606. In the US, the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (APLB) runs free moderated chat rooms and a directory of counsellors at aplb.org.
If you are struggling with your own thoughts, please call a crisis line where you live. Losing a pet can be the thing that tips everything over, and reaching out is not weakness.
This page is not veterinary advice. Every animal and every illness is different — please talk to your own vet about your own pet.